There is a giant void in the space where words used to flow like a spring, fresh from a deep unlimited reservoir. Now, I can scarcely focus on a single thought enough to create a coherent piece of work. What happened? Who stole my words? Who shoplifted the hope that led my soul to pen about the goodness and consistency of my Heavenly Dad? What, who, when?
This season has led me to recoil in ways I have not in a while. Most of us can testify that it has been a lot more than we anticipated. The weirdest part, for me at least, is that nothing super dramatic has happened. It is the sameness of isolation. It is the inability to effectively plan. It is the joy and the stresses of 24-hour management of the children. It is the weight of seeing no change in this dynamic for the foreseeable future. It is the sound of my thoughts thundering through my consciousness because I am no longer too busy to ignore them. It is processing new grief. It is the depth of my homesickness. It is the fear that I’m too comfortable in my current dysfunction. It is the disappointment in myself that I am taking too long to get out of this emotional rut. It is the guilt trip I travel on in an attempt to will myself out of this place. I hear myself saying “Kavanaugh, you’ve been through tougher times, get up and get going.” But the little train that could has run out of steam.
Where am I going with this? Psalm 23. I know some of us may think the passage is overused. We’ve read it so often it almost sounds like background noise. But hear this, my friend, two millennia later and it is still relevant. Some valleys we don’t fight, run and shout our way through. We rest in Christ’s love and hold on to His peace that passes understanding. On these paths, we have to remain still enough to hear his voice whisper while the world screams. We trust that when His hand remains invisible that His heart towards us is always good. So in this season where I acknowledge my strength isn’t enough, not that it ever was, I know He is perfecting something in me.
Lord, even when your path takes me through the valley of deepest darkness, fear will never conquer me, for you already have! You remain close to me and lead me through it all the way. Your authority is my strength and my peace. The comfort of your love takes away my fear. I’ll never be lonely, for you are near… So why would I fear the future? For your goodness and love pursue me all the days of my life. Then afterward, when my life is through, I’ll return to your glorious presence to be forever with you!
Kavanaugh Dickson-Williams is a Best Selling Author, Speaker and blogger for “Lady Kavan Writes.” Her writing is intended to help others navigate complex emotions in the context of the Bible. Check out her website: www.ladykavanwrites.com. Send her an email at firstname.lastname@example.org for an invitation into her Inner Circle. Follow Lady Kavan on Instagram @ladykavw; Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ladykavanwrites/ or on Youtube : Lady Kavan